清醒时的丈夫无疑是位绅士，待人温文尔雅、沉静迷人。可是当他进入了睡眠状态，就仿佛变身为另一个人：可怕的不仅是如雷鼾声，还有高声尖叫、喃喃梦语和拳打脚踢。不堪忍受的我甚至突发奇想：要是男人也像家电一样身上背着“我会打鼾”之类的警告标识该多好!
ThemanIloveisascalmandpleasantasthedayislong[1]. Hetreatsmewithloveandrespect. He’sgentleandsoft-spoken[2], aperfectjoytobewith. Butwhennightfalls, Markundergoesaghastlytransformation.[3] No, he’snotavampire. Areyoukiddingme? Vampiresarehotandtrendy[4].
It’smuchworse. Marksnores.
Hedoesn’tjustsnore. Healsomuttersandshoutsandflailsaround.[5] Ilovetheguy, buthe’sachallengingbedpartner.
Myex[6] wasjusttheopposite. Asleep, hewasgentleasalamb; itwaswhenheawokethatIhadtowatchout. HeandIsleptquietlyineachother’sarms. I’dfallasleepholdinghimandwakeupeighthourslater, stillholdinghim.
MarkandIstartoutquietlyholdingeachother. Thenhefallsasleepandthewildrumpus[7] starts. Hemoans. Hecriesout. Hislegsbicyclewildly. Heslamshisfistsdownonthebed, joltingmeawake.[8] Enteringdeepsleep, hesprawls[9] ontohisbackandemitsavarietyofnoisesthatareloudenoughtosetoffcaralarms, stoppingonlytoshoutnonsensephrases, orworse, yell “Ohno!” or “Lookout!”